7. The descent into growth

Reaching one hand over the edge of the jagged cliff and then the other she pulled herself up one last time, hoisting her body over the edge only to see all that was so far in this journey. A dark storm still screaming in anger below her, almost completely eclipsing a large body of water that mirrored the ominous light of the skyline stunted only by the singularity of the infinite desert beyond that. How far she had come. But to what ends? Standing up she realized Heresy was paying her no attention, instead he was looking far off into the distance on the opposing side of the mountain they had just conquered. Walking up to join him in his gaze she saw what had caught him. Instead of mountain after mountain or even another desert, or an ocean, there was an immense dark grey valley surrounded by the same black cliffs they were on. Far far off in the distance there was light blue glow which seemed to be in the only spot where the mountains weren’t. Clearly this trek was far from over.

“Now we wait again. There is no wind here now. We must rest.” mumbled Heresy, clearly still in awe of the infinity and randomness that this place was filled with, “Did you see your guide? I lost you for a while.”. Nodding slightly she found herself still remembering the smile that the climb gave her on the inside.

Sitting down on her knees she closed her eyes, following Heresy’s lead as he was already in some deep trance humming a single note continuously. The light on this mountain top was warmer than any other place she had encountered here so far and pierced her eyelids to create a collage of yellows and reds, bringing her back again. The crisp air almost tasted sweet with life. Spring was here and coming out in full force in all directions. Looking out her open window on the second story of her parents house she could see the first buds emerging on the oak tree by her window. A blue bird was stringing together some beautiful tune trying to sway some unseen love. Downstairs she could hear her parents talking, talking about her. She was smiling then, it was the first time, she knew somehow that she had smiled since her miscarriage and the realization by her parents that she wasn’t so innocent any more. “She can’t keep lying to us. She lied about what happened with that boy she was seeing and now she won’t even come out of her room!” her dad sounded infuriated but with a clear sense of concern underlying everything. “It’s not easy, going through what she did, but I know, give her time.” explained her mother, as the tears made their way down her face, blurring the blue bird and the oak tree. Coming back to the mountain she could feel the confusion of that moment and the clarity she had now and couldn’t help but find herself wanting to teach herself how to forgive the world and herself but knew that without the self loathing and pain she went through in life there could be no clarity now. Was that what she was to take from this place? Her final lessons from life?

Returning to the mountain top the light had gone from a warm yellow to a neon reddish pink that was so vivid she had to shield her eyes at first in awe. The wind had started back up again, still blowing at her back but this time also some how coming from above pushing her down into the gray valley that lay bellow. Turning to see Heresy, he smiled, took a deep breath and nodded to her, starting down whatever path he could find, down the mountain. For some reason she wanted to hug him. Starting down the mountain behind him her being drifted again. In the eternity she had been in this place she had not made physical contact with another being yet. Coming down the mountain she began to pick up momentum and was lost again. Back she went into his arms. Darkness was all around her and the only light seemed to be glowing off his face as she lay naked in a bed with him. They had just made love and he was clutching her close to his chest gently, lovingly. An odor of sweat lingered in the air all around. The room was silent aside from her breathing. There was no talking here, with nothing that needed to be said. One of the few times in her life she had never wanted to end. She could still feel the warmth and safety of the intimate moment when she passed Heresy on the mountain running faster and faster now, not afraid any more and becoming more and more excited as her descent continued.