5: Struggles of Growth

Nodding at her Heresy began climbing the enormous and black shear mountain that eclipsed all that would be their line of sight. She too began to climb. From the first hand hold it was a struggle. She hadn’t experienced pain in this place until now. The rocks tore at her fingers and palms climbing from hold to hold. She got so far before it became to much and she fell back onto the jagged beach below. Looking at her battered hands she realized there was nothing wrong with them and the pain had dissipated. It would appear that being dead has it’s advantages.

Looking up she could see her companion climbing ever higher. Had he noticed that she had fallen? Did he care? She sat for a moment dazed by the overwhelming pain of the rocks and the lack of evidence of. Had it even hurt? This place seemed determine to undo her consciousness.

Deciding that she must continue up this mountain if not because of some guiding destiny then because she wanted to see what lay beyond. Reaching up for a hold again she could feel the serration of the rock cutting into her entire right hand. Flinching she reached up with her left with the same results. Pulling her self up to repeat the same she began her ascent up bearing through the pain which was deafened by another pain from her past. ..

The smell of Italian food was in the air, garlic and tomato sauce. The lights were dim and she felt anxious. She was waiting for someone. Staring directly ahead, she realized she was staring at the door of her apartment perched on a stool hands on her chin. She could almost taste the excitement when the door rattled with the sound of keys unlocking it. Finally! He was there. Opening the door he emerged. His face was still a blur but she could remember the frustration and pain in his eyes. Green eyes. He knew. Somehow he had found out about it. The anguish of the moment brought her to tears instantly, before he had uttered a single insult. Instead of yelling, he just asked, “Why?… When I asked you if you were being honest with me about the other night, why did you lie? Why did you make love to me after you had been with another man the very night before?”. She was frozen with her own cold emotions, unable to respond. “I didn’t think you had anything to say to me.” He continued, “Goodbye -“.

Pulled from her memories by the yelling of Heresy she found herself back on the mountain far above the ground, the unbearable pain of the rock still unbearable. “It gets harder the higher you get!” yelled Heresy down to her, “Are you going to make it?”. She nodded yes dragging her body up another unbearable hold. Looking down the mirror lake was just a dinner plate far below surrounded on the far side by an infinite horizon of sand and overshadowed by her mountain. Continuing up the mountain she lost herself again.

This time there was shouting. Muffled shouting behind a windowed door in a bright hallway filled with people coming and going. It was a hospital. She knew immediately who was in the next room even before looking in. From behind the door a black man in a white coat emerged slowly along with shouts bellowing into the hallway. “Make Her Leave!” is all she could make out before the Dr. shut the door behind him. “M’am, I’m going to have to ask that you leave, at least for now, he can’t handle being so excited right now.”. Explained the Dr. . Nodding she asked “What happened?”. “He tried to hang himself in the park and the rope broke, but not before doing some major damage to his neck.”. She could still feel how scared she was for him and how she had known it was her fault. She had lied again. Leaving the hospital gave her the realization she was alone, more so than she had been awaking dead in the sand.

If the dead could weep she most certainly was. Struggling through her heart ache, pushing past and enduring the burning and tearing pain of the mountain she climbed still. The air was frozen now as the snow began to fall. Almost in an instant the entire realm was gone, replaced by a white field of nothing all around her. All she could see was the cliff right in front of her and white all around. It was an eerie snow fall, light seemed to peak through just barely just as the snow falls at dusk in life. Heresy was beyond her line of sight. She was alone here too. Climbing on it only got harder as her fingers stiffened up and muscles ached for warmth. Stopping to try and rest she realized the absurdity of the situation. The snow was swirling in every direction but she could still feel the wind blowing on her back telling her which way was up. It was then she could feel herself giving up. Frustrated and in pain she was ready to let go. Perhaps because she secretly knew he was there or because she was out of options she began calling out to her guide. Wanting so badly to yell out to him she could feel the wind coming in faster and faster and the air getting colder and colder, but still she yearned to scream for help. Finally the snow began to cluster not to far in front of her, bulging out and creating the profile of a man, standing on the cliff. An impressive feat indeed, he was standing on the side of the cliff staring her down. Only this time he was different. He still smelled of dirt but his cloak was whiter, like dirty snow. Though it retained the tattered and torn look it seemed purer and colder, perhaps changing with this world. There still lay a line of cloth just under his brow covering his eyes. Her blind sage had returned. Saying nothing she realized she was smiling inside.

“If you give up now, you’ll never know” is all the sage whispered in her ear with the wind, blowing back into the storm all around her, leaving her back on an endless cliff alone, again. This was enough for her as she regained her strength and forced herself on., attacking the mountain with every ounce of her being she had to give. Whatever knowledge awaited her, she wanted more than anything now thinking of how far she truly had come. Over the endless dunes of the dessert, underneath an immense lake, and now up an epic mountain of pure hatred.